Today's a beautiful day

for Oma.  

She got to meet our Maker.  Walk up to the pearly gates and look the Saviour in the eyes for the first time.  She got to hear his voice and feel, what I imagine to be, the most tender, loving hug.  

Maybe she's had a reunion with Opa by now too.  And many other loved ones. 

What a glorious day.  

An amazing promise fulfilled.

Back here, I imagine the smell of chicken noodle soup simmering on the stove as I walk into her house after church on a Sunday.  We smile and greet whichever cousins happen to be there also after their Sunday morning at church.  After a little while, we sit down around the table and eat the best chicken noodle soup ever.  Whose was better than Oma's?  Nobody's.  We enjoy that token glass of C-Plus Orange pop.  After we fill our bellies with soup, she brings out the vanilla ice cream which we smother with fruit Mousse and as Opa always did, add some chocolate syrup on that, too.  An odd concoction that perhaps only those who gathered at Oma's table can ever understand. I can taste it even now.

I think about the time in my early 20's when I went to see Oma during the day for some reason.  I was in college.  We were saying good-bye at the door and she looked at my button-up shirt that had only about 2 of the 6 buttons closed with another shirt underneath.  She looked at my shirt and grabbed it as if to close the rest of it and said, "Your shirt isn't closed!" And then she caught herself and said, "Oh...that's the way the kids wear it these days! That's COOL."  She gave me her best smile, thanked me for coming and gave me one of her warm, cuddly hugs.  It was then that I understood that she had a way about her that could transcended generations.  I had a new appreciation for her.  

I look around my house and realize that I have so many gifts from her.  Most of them with embroidery on them.  His and Her pillowcases, a gorgeous placemat and serviette set of 4 that I have never used because they are too pretty (and white), but I love them so much I can't part with them.  I have that blanket that she knitted for me when I turned 16, a picture that she cross-stitched for me when I got married and that soft, perfect little knitted blanket that I got to pick out when she found out I was expecting my first child.  I admit that embroidery is not my favourite art form, but these gifts mean so much love to me.  They represent her love for me and every one of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

I'm so glad that I took the time to go to Abbotsford this past summer with Russ and the girls specifically to spend some time with her.  She invited us to stay for lunch at the Tabor Home.  She told the receptionist downstairs that we were staying about an hour before lunch.  I'm not sure we made the deadline required for invited guests but the receptionist could not decline sweet Oma.  So the five of us got our own table and we ate together.  That feeling of knowing you have absolutely, 100% done the right thing by spending time.  I should have done it more.

Alas, our endearing matriarch has seen her last day and breathed her last breath.  

A generation has ended.  

I love you, Oma.  I'm so glad you no longer have to imagine Heaven.  

See you on the other side.

A New Leaf

So I've turned over a new leaf.

I don't often decide to make pointed, significant change in my life one day to the next and when I do, I definitely don't tell many people about it.  Often, the commitment to change peters out and I'm back to where I was before.

For some reason, this time feels different.  I'm going to chalk it up to some inspiration that I received from a women's retreat that I went to at Sunnybrae Bible Camp at the beginning of the month.  And I guess an answer to prayer that I wasn't really praying all that often.

Here's the new leaf that I've turned over:
1. I will be reading Scripture as close to every day as I possibly can.
2. I will get up early at least 2 days a week and go for a minimum 30 minute bike ride.
3. I will make my bed every day.

I want to get fit both spiritually and physically.  These areas of my life have been sorely neglected over the last 2 years or more and I'm feeling it.

First and foremost, I want my life - my mind, my heart and my actions - to change so that many moments of each day are in awareness of Jesus, who He is and who He is in my life right now, instead of just a couple of moments, or none.  The speaker at the women's retreat was really great and the thing that stood out most about her is her passion about the Scriptures, God's Holy Word.  It was exciting to listen to her and to feel some of her passion about a certain Bible verse or chapter.  I want that.  I need that.  And so far, since reading (almost) every day, I have noticed that my mind is on the Scripture and on Jesus more.  I am noticing new things in the passages that I am in.  It's exciting!

Secondly, I need to move more.  I am pretty busy in and around my house.  I don't sit an awful lot because there is always something to do, but I certainly never exercise.  And I need to.  It has always been hard for me to be disciplined in exercise, but this is something I can do.  I had a really great conversation with a friend from church, at the women's retreat, about getting up early to get some exercise and for some reason, things just clicked.  I like riding my bike, it is a great workout and I get to see the countryside.  Getting up early is very anti-Carmen.  I loathe getting up any earlier than I have to, but this is the only time that really makes sense.  Kids & Russ are still in bed, I can get back by the time they are just waking up, or if I'm lucky, they are still sleeping.  I can have a shower if I need to and get on with my day.  And what I've noticed so far is that on the days that I have gone biking, I have more energy throughout the rest of my day.  Bonus!

And making my bed?  Yeah....kinda random.   My mom always made me make my bed growing up but every since I moved out, making my bed has not been a regular occurrence.  I'm not sure why I decided to do this, but it's easy and looks nice.  Every time I go into my room when the bed is made, even if there is all sorts of other stuff strewn on the floor, it feels nice.  A bit more put together.  I like it.  My mom would say, "Finally!"

I don't know about you, my readers, but I work better with accountability.  Russ is very supportive in the turning over of my new leaf, but maybe there are some of you that want to turn over a new leaf with me.  It doesn't have to be at all like the changes I've decided to make.  Maybe there's been something nudging at you to change something in your life for the better.  And maybe you need someone to do this with.  I could be your someone!  We could encourage each other and challenge each other in our commitments, meanwhile striving for being better women (or men) and living a more purposed life for Christ.  Leave a comment or send me an email if you want to be accountable with me.  I'm serious!!

(And Dolly - just in case you are wondering, I haven't forgotten about writing a post about our Mexico Missions trip.  That's the next one!!)

One Year Ago...

yesterday, February 19, Eva had her heart surgery.

I thought of this day on occasion throughout this past year and thought that I would come up with something profound to say once we reached the 1 year anniversary.

But I have nothing profound.

At Eva's 1-month post-op cardiac appointment, I was told that I could forget about Eva's heart.  So I have done my very best to do that.  I haven't completely forgotten, but the more time passes, the more I do forget.

Suffice it to say that we are THANKFUL.  Beyond words or expression.

I have no idea (and actually quite doubt) if Dr. Ghandi remembers our little Eva and the successful surgery that he performed on her, but we will never forget him and his gifted hands.  We should pray for him more, I suppose.

Eva is a goofy, stubborn, energetic little smarty-pants, who will be celebrating her 2nd birthday in less than 3 months.

We thank Jesus every day for both of our girls and love and treasure all the little moments that make our lives so big.

Mad Eyeballs

The other day, I was bathing Akeyla and she disobeyed me several times while in the bath, so I finally instructed her to come out of the bath. Right now. As I was drying her off, she said to me, "Don't use your mad eyeballs." I said, "What? Mad eyeballs? Do you mean when I do this?" And I furrowed my brow:

She said, "ya!" So I smiled and straightened out my brow.

It reminded me of a few things:
Of how I am starting to get wrinkles right there between my eyebrows.
Of how one of my coworker friends in 100 Mile used to remind me to relax my brow.
Of how people have often misread my expression to be angry when I am not angry in the least!

Without realizing it, my brow does this so often. When I am looking at the computer, reading, concentrating on something (which was the case when I was drying off Akeyla. I was annoyed, but not really angry at her.), thinking, squinting to see something, and probably other times that I don't even realize! So in other words, a LOT.

I think I've been doing this most of my life and I don't necessarily think that it is all that uncommon. Unfortunately in my case, it often means that my face puts off an expression that I do not intend or actually feel. People have often asked me if I am upset, or angry. And I respond in surprise because I am not in the least bit angry! I now know that in these circumstances, my brow is furrowed!

And now I have a new name for it: mad eyeballs.

Because I spent so much time in front of the computer at work in 100 Mile, my mad eyeballs were often in use. So like I said before, my one coworker would sometimes remind me to relax. And I really started to become more conscious of it particularly because people were in and out of my office so much, I didn't want them to think that I was mad all the time!  Now that I've been out of that environment for so long, I have forgotten about it.

I guess Akeyla is pretty familiar with my mad eyeballs!  haha!

And I feel compelled to tell people that if it looks like I am angry, there is a good chance that I am not. If I am angry or grumpy, there will be many other clues to confirm that!!

So please excuse my mad eyeballs if you see them. I will again start to try to be more conscious of it and wear my happy eyeballs!

Ode to December

December came and went - January's almost over and now I am finally realizing that I haven't posted any pictures!  It was a fun and not-too-busy December, celebrating, preparing, traveling, visiting and enjoying family.

At Akeyla's animal themed birthday party, where the kids all coloured animal masks.  So cute!

Ice fishing with dad!

Christmas presents....

Santa got them a play house...

All dressed up for Christmas Eve.  Do you think I could get a picture of them together??

Christmas Day we travelled to Didsbury, AB.  LOVE going through the Rockies. 

Me and my sister-in-law!! What a beauty.

stuck in the splits position.

Hot chocolate is a must for ice fishing.

prepping the hole.

Dad was cutting holes with a chain saw, though it's hard to actually tell in this picture.  Ice augers work much better!

moving the baby away from the monster hole!

Big prairie sky

two snow angels!

Sliding down carpeted stairs is so. much. fun.

cousin time!

 ice fishing again, this time one felt sick and one froze.

cute little puppy!

finally, our beloved New Year's Eve crew!

What Dreams are Made Of

Singing has always been a huge part of my life.  I'm told that I have been singing pretty much ever since I could talk.  I would sing on the toilet, in the bathtub, at the dinner table (though I was always told to stop), while I was walking or playing or falling asleep.  As I grew up, I always sang in church: kids choirs, worship teams, solos, duets, you name it.  High school and college brought choirs, more worship teams, weddings and funerals.  I have always loved singing.

Singing in a good choir was something that always brought particular joy as it is so amazing to me how a group of people, who have the same goal, can create a beautiful, harmonious piece of music together.  This, to me, is the ultimate portrayal of unity, teamwork and community.

This picture of oneness coupled with often singing deeply Spiritual and emotional songs gave me the feeling of flying.  Being able to spread my wings and soar.  I love to sing.  I love to make harmonies.  It takes me to a different level of joy and fulfillment.  I love to work on a difficult piece to make sure that it will be perfectly in tune and to make sure that the other voices won't be held back by my lack of ability.

Over the years of living in various small towns, I have not had the same opportunities to sing in choirs.  I so miss it. Sometimes I ache to sing with other strong vocalists, even in a church setting.

This longing to be able to harmonize with others was particularly intense when we lived in 100 Mile. I just didn't have the connections to make it happen.

One afternoon, I remember so clearly, I was driving to my parents after work to pick up Akeyla.  She was probably between 18 months and 2 years old or so.  As I was driving, I was listening to some worship music and belting it out along with the cd.  This longing to soar through song came down so deeply on me that I started to get emotional and cry out to God to bring me someone to sing with - to harmonize with.  A person, small group, or a choir.  I didn't know how it could possibly happen, but I just called out to my Lord.

That night, I was going through Akeyla's nightly routine, which always included a snuggle on the rocking chair in her room while I sang Jesus Loves Me to her.  For the first time, ever, she sang along with me.  In her little baby words, with her little baby melody, she sang along. From start to finish.

"I hear you." I could sense the Lord sharing with me. "I know your longing and I hear your cry."

I sat quietly weeping. What a tender Saviour we serve.  That he should hear me and respond so perfectly.

Ever since I have had children, I have dreamed that they might want to sing with me throughout their childhood and beyond.  I realize that they might not want to, or they might not turn out to be great singers, but I still dream.

That night that Akeyla sang with me, my dream sparked.

And she hasn't stopped singing since.  She sings a LOT.  Everything from Dora songs, to Sunday School songs, to Abba, Raffi, church hymns and anything else that catches her fancy.  She sometimes makes up her own songs, too.

Over the last few months, she has started to sing with me in church, up on stage, on the Sundays that I lead worship.  It warms my heart.  Fills my heart.  Makes me feel like the best, most luckiest mom in the world.  And I'm SO thankful that our church family is so open to receiving Akeyla in this way. She is so encouraged to sing with me.

Leading up to this last Sunday's worship set, I thought I might tailor a song to Akeyla, which would in turn be tailoring a song for all the children in church - young and old.  I added Jesus Loves Me to the main worship set.  Akeyla even chose to sing into a microphone for the first time last Sunday.  Usually she declines the offer.

I think everybody was singing when Jesus Loves Me came up.

I had a hard time holding it together when we sang that song.  First of all, the truth of the promise of Jesus' great love for us.  Secondly, this love felt particularly impactful during this season while celebrating Jesus as a baby Himself.  And finally, because my baby, now a preschooler was singing this song on stage.  With me.

I got to fly again on Sunday morning.

Feather

At long last our favourite, four-footed, feline friend Feather, has used up her last life.  

It's been over a month now since we have seen her.  She was always prone to wandering, taking off for days or even a week at a time.  And always, just as we had given up hope on her returning, she would walk up to the door and beg to come in.  We always joked around about getting a little camera to mount around her neck so that we could see where she would go!  But we never did.  

Feather had such a great temperament.  She grew up with a little Akeyla and let AJ carry her any which way that she chose, with not even a bat of the arm.  She made Russ, a cat-hater, into a....well....non-cat-hater and could cuddle up on Russ' lap whenever she pleased.  He may not admit it, but he loved her.  :)  And so did I.  

Eva was completely smitten by Feather, but Feather didn't really give her much time.  Too many pokes from a "strange" baby.  

Akeyla still managed to be able to do whatever she pleased to Feather without much backlash and while she seems a little sad to not have Feather around, talk about getting another kitten as all but made her forget Feather.  ha!

Following are some of the best (only!) pics of Feather.  

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The following two pictures are after we got back from Hawaii in November 2012.  The first time we were gone for an extended time after getting Feather.  As soon as we got home, Akeyla took the pillow off the couch, gathered her blank & soother and picked up Feather to snuggle with her.  There they laid for several minutes together.  It was SO cute!!

Together with Flat Brooklynn. :)

We're gonna miss you Feather!!